


There For You

by sar7891



Series: Stay With You [2]
Category: Women's Soccer RPF
Genre: F/F
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-28
Updated: 2017-06-28
Packaged: 2018-11-20 02:48:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,667
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11327088
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sar7891/pseuds/sar7891
Summary: Christen finds herself stuck in a cycle of what Kelley considers to be 'dangerous habits' with Tobin, but really she just needs someone to be there for her.aka the stand alone prequel to Stay With You





	There For You

**Author's Note:**

> Mediocre pop song for this chapter: There For You -Martin Garrix/Troye Sivan
> 
> Part of this was written by drunk Sarah, who drinks red wine out of the bottle while she curls her hair, makes out with exes in foreign countries, and obsessively listens to Chateau by Blackbear on repeat. The other part was written by Sarah-Anne, who accepts the consequences of her actions, good or bad. This escalated real quick from 3k to like 12k.
> 
> Also 10/10 recommend watching how books are made.

Christen watches in a state of rigidity as the brunette next to her starts to drift into a state of unconsciousness. There’s enough space between them for Christen to not feel uncomfortably claustrophobic or like her personal space is being invaded but Tobin is laying on her side, facing her, and has a hand resting on the dark gray comforter covering Christen’s torso.

 

She thinks if she can count to one hundred a couple times in her head that she should be able to sneak out without Tobin noticing.

 

After what she hopes is somewhere around the five minute mark, she slides out from the comforter. Now that she’s a little more aware of her surroundings, the room seems brighter than she remembers it being when they had stumbled in to seek shelter from the rain pelting their heads moments earlier. The little bit of light that hits her body is streaming in through the cracks in the blinds from the late afternoon rain storm and makes her feel more exposed than she felt just moments ago when she had a pair of eyes on her as she stripped her clothes off.

 

She turns her back to Tobin’s bed as she wiggles her skinny jeans back up her legs and slides her bra and flowy long sleeved shirt back over her arms. When she turns around after grabbing her backpack from the floor to make sure she hadn’t missed anything she’s startled when she finds Tobin leaning on her arm and scrolling through her phone.

 

“Leaving already?” Tobin asks her with a frown.

 

Christen is in the middle of pulling her hair out from where it’s gotten caught beneath the straps of her backpack when she makes a face like she’s been caught.

 

“Yeah, I forgot I have to go meet somebody,” Christen bites her lip while she waits for Tobin’s reaction, trying to see if she buys the excuse.

 

She doesn’t. Christen could probably see her roll her eyes from a mile away.

 

“Are you okay, Christen?” Tobin’s look of annoyance changes to concern, quickly. Christen looks down at herself to see if there’s any chance she’s done something to make it seem like she wasn’t okay, but she looks exactly like she had when she left her dorm this morning with the exception of maybe messier and frizzier hair.

 

“I’m fine,” She states, hoping it doesn’t come off in a defensive tone that would suggest anything but, “Why?”

 

“I’ve just,” Tobin looks her over one more time, her eyes drifting down her body and up again to lock eyes with Christen before she finishes, “I’ve never had anyone leave so quickly. It hasn’t even been ten minutes. I just want to make sure you’re okay with what happened before you leave.”

 

“Why wouldn’t I be okay with it?” Christen is starting to feel her patience run dry. This  _ thing  _ with Tobin, whatever it is, hasn’t exactly ever involved feelings and she doesn’t understand why it needs to now when really all she wants is to get back to her dorm and shower.

 

“Because,” Tobin is still searching with soft eyes, “You just seem a little skittish, I don’t know.”

 

“I’m fine, with everything, I swear,” She holds up two crossed fingers as if she’s trying to convince Tobin of some sort of promise between the two of them, “It’s not like we both didn’t know this would happen eventually.”

 

Almost immediately she realizes that was the wrong thing to say because Tobin pushes herself up and starts looking for clothes to put on.

 

“It didn’t have to happen Chris,” Tobin holds a tangled sheet up around her chest and twisted around her body as she finds a sweatshirt and sweatpants to slide on her body before she turns to face Christen again.

 

“Tobin,” She groans, tilting her head back to look up at the ceiling, “What do you want me to say that will convince you that I am okay with happened, that I  _ wanted  _ it to happen?”

 

Tobin pauses for a moment, she looks like she was about to block the door from Christen leaving to make sure that they were leaving things on good terms.

 

“Stay.”

 

“What?” Christen grips at the straps of her bag, unsure of what she’s being asked, “Tobin that’s not how I do things, I need to get back to my dorm, shower and change into clean clothes. This isn’t how I do things, I don’t like to sit around and cuddle and nap the rest of my day away.”

 

“I’m not asking you to do that,” She shakes her head and starts to walk towards her closet. Christen has never seen her go through clean clothes before, usually if she needs something she just digs out a sweatshirt from the pile of dirty clothes on her floor.

 

“Stay for an hour,” She turns around with a clean oversized long sleeve t-shirt and a folded towel, “You can shower here, have a snack or something, I don’t know. We don’t have to talk or anything, just stay here for a little bit so I know you aren’t running away from me.”

 

Christen bites at her lip before she gives in and grabs what Tobin’s offering her, “Thank you.”

 

She spins around and heads towards Tobin’s shared bathroom, she’s never officially met any of her roommates or knows any of their names, but she’s seen them before snacking in the kitchen or lounging on the futon in the living room.

 

“They’re all gone for the weekend,” Tobin answers her unvoiced question, “I’ll be out here if you need anything.”

 

Christen just flashes her a thumbs up as she heads towards the bathroom.

 

-

 

Christen does a fairly good job of avoiding Tobin after that day. They don’t have any classes together, or even in the same buildings, and she thinks that Kelley  _ knows _ because she doesn’t pester her when Christen declines invites to things she thinks that Tobin might be at.

 

However, as the world works, she can’t spend the rest of Tobin’s two years on campus avoiding her and she learns that one day when she walks into a cafe to meet Kelley for a study session to find Tobin already sitting at one of the seats at Kelley’s table.

 

Kelley has got something spread all over her side of the table when she arrives so she has to sit on the same side of the table as Tobin, which actually might be better because then she doesn’t have to look in her direction. Tobin barely looks up when she pulls the chair out, she’s too engrossed in a binder full of typed words. Different colored highlighters are uncapped in front of her and she’s got an orange pen tucked behind her ear. When she does look up though, it’s brief, but she flashes half a smile before she glances back down at her work.

 

To be fair, they’re all so engrossed in their work that Christen forgets that Tobin is there, as well as Kelley. Almost two hours have gone by when Kelley dramatically drops her headphones on the table with a large clunk, “That’s it, it’s done, I’m done.”

 

Christen pulls one earbud out of her ear and looks up, gives her a nod, “I’ll see you at home then?”

 

“Yeah,” Kelley glances over at Tobin who hasn’t so much as flinched at the commotion so she waves her hand in between where she’s got her face shoved in her binder. She looks up to see that Kelley has got her stuff all packed and waves goodbye quickly before resuming her work.

 

“You’re okay if I leave you two here, alone?” Kelley double checks with her before she goes.

 

“We’re fine Kell, we’re adults,” Christen bites her lip as she looks in Tobin’s direction, “She hasn’t looked up once since I got here anyway, I doubt anything will happen.”

 

“Alright, later,” Christen watches as Kelley retreats and while she’s distracted takes a moment to stand up, use the bathroom, and stretch her legs a little before settling in to work some more.

 

They don’t move again until a barista walks up to tell them they’ve got ten minutes until they’re locking up for the night.

 

Tobin sighs when they get interrupted, she flips through the rest of her papers in her binder, checking to see how many more she has left.

 

“Big assignment?” Christen asks in an attempt to break the ice between them.

 

“You could say that,” Tobin groans, running a hand through her hair to push back the strands that had fallen in her face.

 

“What class?” Christen assumes it must be for one of her creative writing courses, she’s not really sure what all the coursework entails but she would guess this one has to do with editing or something because she’s been vigorously marking up every page.

 

“It’s not for a class,” She closes the binder up, it’s got a publishing company’s logo on it, “It’s the third draft of my book, I have to have the next draft by Friday afternoon. Apparently I use the word obviously too much.”

 

“You’re writing a book?” Christen scrunches her forehead, feeling bad about the time where she’d drunkenly interrogated Tobin about her future and persistently asked her how she  _ knew  _ that she could for sure make a living off her writing, “Like you have a publisher and stuff?”

 

“I mean, I wrote a book, yeah,” Tobin waves it in front of her before she tucks the binder into her orange backpack.

 

Christen sighs, she wants to kick herself a little bit, “Well good luck finishing all that then.”

 

She watches as Tobin hesitates briefly before she reaches out to grab Christen’s wrist, “What are you doing Saturday afternoon?”

 

Christen hesitates, they haven’t done this since she left the last time. Mostly she had been planning on catching up on sleep after she most likely is going to have to pull an all nighter for her exam on Friday morning, “Nothing much, why? Should I come over?”

 

Tobin shrugs, “Only if you want to.”

 

Christen examines her face, she looks tired and overwhelmed, “Alright, I’ll text you.”

 

“Okay,” Tobin starts walking backwards toward the front of the cafe, “I’ll see you then.”

 

Christen waits and watches her exit the door before slinging her own backpack over her shoulder, sighing as she heads for the door. When she steps outside she’s greeted once more by Tobin’s voice.

 

“Hey, want a ride?”

 

It’s drizzling outside and she doesn’t have an umbrella or a rain jacket with her.

 

“Yeah, that’d be great actually.”

 

-

 

There are two main factors that separate this occasion from all the others.

 

The first is that there’s no rain hitting the window to provide white noise in the background. Christen almost wishes there was some music playing in the background or something because without the background noise she’s just that much more aware and stimulated by the gasps of Tobin’s breath.

 

The second is the lack of alcohol. Today she’s all the more aware that there was no excuse for this to be happening. The only other times she’s ended up in Tobin’s room have been clothed under the influence or sober from the rain.

 

Today is different though. While Christen would hardly consider it a planned event, Tobin had asked her multiple days in advance. There were no weather permitting factors that left them both bored without plans, no need to escape from a room of other inebriated strangers for some privacy. So in the sense that it was planned more than twenty minutes in advance, Christen considers it a planned event.

 

She’s tired, her late morning lie in is definitely not going to be enough to keep her awake for the rest of the day, especially not after she is tracing a trail of sloppy kisses from Tobin’s hip bone, over her naval, and up her chest while she is trying to meditate her breathing into a steady pattern. When she collapses between Tobin and the wall her bed is pushed against, she breathes a heavy and tired sigh.

 

Tobin looks over at her and pinches at her hip bone, “Give me, like two minutes.”

 

Christen turns her head to look over at her, Tobin’s right hand is rubbing low on her stomach in what Christen assumes is some lazy attempt of teasing while she calms herself down.

 

Whether it is or not, it’s working.

 

She keeps her head turned, watching as Tobin keeps her eyes closed while she takes some deep breaths, her hair splayed in a mess. Christen is not sure how long it takes but eventually she rolls onto her side to face Christen, reaching her left hand over and behind her head. She closes her eyes, preparing for Tobin to tangle her fingers in her hair to pull her in for a lazy open mouthed kiss like she’s done at least a half dozen times before. Instead she feels a few puffs of air against her face from Tobin laughing and her hair falling out of her ponytail.

 

“What are you doing?” She groans in frustration as Tobin pushes her onto her back, straddling Christen’s waist and reaching for her neck to actually pull her into a quick kiss this time. Before she fully commits though, she sweeps her tangled locks into a ridiculous half ponytail half bun. She leans back down again, this time Christen wraps her arms around her shoulders to keep her there, taking the time to deepen the kiss to get her tongue warmed up.

 

“I needed the hair tie,” Tobin states like it’s obvious, using one hand to brush some of Christen’s natural curls back behind her ear so she can locate the spot she left earlier this afternoon when they were warming up. She presses a gentle kiss on top of it before whispering in her ear, “And you look so hot with your natural hair like this.”

 

Christen’s eyes flash open for a moment, but Tobin wouldn’t have noticed as she starts kissing down Christen’s collarbone. One of her hands slides between them, her fingertips barely ghosting a trail from her hip bone, over the ridges of her ribs, and up to palm at her breast. It takes a moment, too long of a moment in Christen’s opinion, for Tobin to start moving at the pace her body wants. She’d been looking for a bit more contact than she had, a little more attention to her breasts and a little more aggressive lip action around her neck, but she’s pleasantly surprised when Tobin adjusts from straddling her waist to slide her thigh between Christen’s.

 

When it happens, it’s sudden, at least that’s how it feels to Christen. It seems fast but at the same time not fast enough. Tobin’s got her hands on her chest, but it’s only for a moment. The spot she’d attempted to tend to on her neck gets abandoned relatively quickly and her hands abandon her for the mattress, giving her body the leverage she needs to attend to all the areas she needs while making a path further down her body. She settles for a little bit to attend to Christen’s breasts, attempting to give each nipple equal attention before she decides to move on. It’s not until she reaches just above her naval that she pauses again, leaving a lingering kiss below where Christen’s piercing ends.

 

Christen is glad that Tobin takes a moment then to sit up, hoping that she catches the look in her eyes as Tobin grasps at her knees to adjust the angle she wants Christen’s thighs to be. Her hands slide down the inside of her thighs and back to her knees a few times, each time getting closer to where Christen wants them to be.

 

Tobin does it so many times though that it turns from teasing to frustrating and Christen has never really considered herself the most patient type of person. She reaches one arm over her face and clenches her other hand in the loose topsheet of Tobin’s bed, “Am I going to have to ask you to stop?”

 

It works, Tobin stops and Christen almost immediately feels better when she presses a kiss just barely past her knee on her thigh, “That’s what I have been waiting for.”

 

“Oh my god,” She groans a little, starting to feel a bit on edge from pushing through Tobin’s orgasm and waiting for her recovery, “Please just do it.”

 

“Do what?” Christen takes a deep breath, a little in shock that Tobin is making her wait like this.

 

“Fuck,” Christen means for the word to stay in her brain but knows when Tobin squeezes her thigh where she’s got a grip on her that it doesn’t. She figures Tobin’s got that cocky shit of a smirk on her face right now.

 

“Literally I’ll take anything you’re willing to give right now,” She braves removing her arm from where it had been resting over her eyes and blocking her vision just to see that Tobin does in fact have that cocky grin on her face.

 

Christen would be more frustrated by it if it weren’t followed by a hand finally sliding over her. It’s light, but an improvement. She feels one stroke down and back up and it’s nearly enough for her to let out a soft moan so she bites her lip.

 

Tobin does it again but instead of letting her fingers glide back up, she slides one finger inside of her. Her pace is slow but steady and Christen is still biting her lip.

 

“You don’t need to be quiet,” Tobin’s timing is impeccable, because right after she makes her statement she slides a second finger into her, “It’s just us here.”

 

She uses the free hand that had remained on her thigh running up and down from her knee to start rubbing circles around her clit so that she doesn’t have to make the awkward angle with her left hand. If Christen thought she was concerned about being too loud before, she doesn’t have to now because the added pressure is enough to leave her breathless for the moment.

 

Just when she thinks she’s getting into the rhythm of Tobin’s pattern, the give and go that slows just enough to keep her from hitting the edge too early but maintains enough to keep her momentum, it stops. Christen is about to protest when instead of the fingers she’d felt teasing her before she feels a warm mouth and eager tongue replace its spot.

 

It’s not long before Tobin finishes her off, nor does Christen think it probably required much added effort. She’s not sure how loud it ends up being, she doesn’t care after Tobin told her not to, and she lets her body adjust to the sudden change. When she does become more aware of her surroundings again, it’s to the feeling of Tobin pressing soft and lazy kisses over the base of her neck.

 

After Tobin loosens up and rolls onto her side next to her she takes a moment to look up at the ceiling. Tobin’s breathing comes in a pattern she can hear and the ceiling seems much farther away than it actually is. Her eyelids start to feel heavy and she reasons with herself that a quick cat nap won’t hurt anybody.

 

She lets her eyes drift shut and when they flutter open again she’s not sure how long she’s been out for.

 

The room is dark now, illuminated by the lowest setting of Tobin’s lamp on her bedside table. Tobin herself is standing in front of the closet, doors swung open, wrapped in the dark gray top sheet from her bed. When she turns back around after sliding on a pair of Nike running shorts and a sweatshirt so large it hits below the hem of her shorts, Christen has rolled over onto her stomach and she feels like she just slept for a full day.

 

“What time is it?” She groans, stretching her legs out, her toes sticking out of the bottom of the comforter Tobin must have draped over her at some point.

 

“Just after six,” Tobin shoves her hands in the pocket of her sweatshirt, “Not going to lie I’m surprised you are still here.”

 

“I am too,” Christen sits up a little further in bed, fluffing up the pillow that had gotten wedged in the crack between the head of the bed and the wall, “Your bed is really comfortable.”

 

“Since you’re still here, can I get you anything?” Tobin starts looking a little antsy, “I was just going to let you sleep and go make some pizza bagels, grab a beer. You want some? Or a shirt or something?”

 

“Would it be greedy of me to say yes to all of the above,” She shifts into a more vertical position but makes sure to hold the comforter over her chest.

 

“No,” Tobin is already digging through a stack of folded t-shirts, until she finds the one she had let Christen wear a few weeks ago. She tosses it over and turns to head back towards the door to the living room, “It’ll be nice to have some company on my lazy night in.”

 

Christen shuffles over to the foot of the bed, where Tobin’s desk is and where she left her phone, to grab her phone before she scoots back and flips through instagram while she waits for her to come back to the room.

 

When she does come back Christen gives her a sort of incredulous look when she sees she’s carrying two ciders in each hand, “Sorry, I thought there was beer in the back of the fridge but someone bought these and they’ve been in there for two weeks so I’m assuming they are free game now.”

 

She hands two to Christen who rolls her eyes before Tobin defensively holds her empty hand up, “What, it’s not like we weren’t going to only drink one each. I’m just trying to minimize trips to the kitchen.”

 

Tobin slides up the clock app to set a timer on her phone, Christen assumes it’s for the pizza bagels, and grabs the fleece blanket that’s draped over her desk chair, wrapping it around her body and sitting at the end of the bed to lean back against the wall with her cider bottle balanced loosely with one hand. Christen bends her legs up to give her some more room to sit.

 

She’s not paying much attention to Tobin, they’ve both got their phones out, Tobin seems like she’s trying to set the world record for longest text message and Christen hasn’t hit any repeat pictures on instagram from the last time she had the app open. All of a sudden something light and black hits her in the face, she looks up to see Tobin smirking at her and shaking her hair out.

 

“There’s your hair binder, thanks for letting me borrow it.”

 

Christen rolls her eyes but blushes a little as she tucks it back around her wrist. She doesn’t look up for quite a while, at least not until Tobin’s timer starts ringing. When she comes back she’s got two plates and some paper towels. Tobin’s eating so fast she’s mostly silent but Christen notices the pile of papers on Tobin’s desk and how tired she looks.

 

“Did you get your draft done?” She asks Tobin while she’s mid bite.

 

Tobin waits until she finishes, shrugs her shoulders a little, “Yeah.”

 

“Did you sleep at all this week?”

 

“Yesterday after I finished I crashed until like ten this morning,” She shakes her head a little, “It’s not even like I was procrastinating on it, there was just so much and I couldn’t get it quite the way I wanted to, ya know? Most of these people don’t have school to balance too.”

 

Christen nods, like she knows what it’s like to have something that important that means that much to her, “I can understand.”

 

“Now I just sit and wait until the editors send back all the mistakes I made and suggestions they have,” Christen nudges her thigh with her foot and shakes her head.

 

“I’m sure it’s perfect.”

 

“As perfect as my pizza bagels are?” Tobin asks with a smirk, “Are they as good as last time?”

 

Christen groans and tilts her head back to look up at the ceiling, “You remember that?”

 

“I’m not sure how well your memory serves you of that night but I was not nearly as drunk as you and Kelley were,” Tobin chuckles, dropping a burnt edge of bagel back onto her plate.

 

“I was hoping that if you were half as drunk as we were that you maybe would have forgotten about that,” She shakes her head thinking about the night, “I still haven’t had rum since then, don’t know if I ever will to be honest.”

 

“We’ve all been there,” Tobin shakes her head, dropping her plate and almost empty cider bottle on her desk.

 

“I’m sorry,” Christen reaches over to hand over her empty plate for Tobin to stack on her own, “And the pizza bagels were great, I just don’t think I’ve had enough to re-extend that marriage proposal to you again.”

 

“What are you sorry for?” Tobin turns her body so that she’s sitting cross legged at the foot of the bed to face Christen.

 

“A lot of things,” She shakes her head, “That was the first time we ever met and you had to mom us, you made made sure we got home okay and made us food, made sure we had water and tylenol, let Kelley and I sleep on your bed and throw up in your toilet. You slept on the couch.”

 

Tobin shrugs, “I knew what I was getting myself into, it wasn’t my first rodeo with Kelley. And the couch is a futon, it’s larger than my bed anyway, you and Kelley got the short end of the stick on that one. Not a big deal at all.”

 

“Still, it was really nice of you,” Christen shrugs.

 

Tobin shifts again, this time laying down in a loose fetal position and letting her head rest on Christen’s thigh.

 

Christen tenses for a moment, she’s not much for physical contact without a purpose and Tobin knows that, but she looks tired and worn down so Christen reaches her hand down to run her fingers through Tobin’s hair.

 

Tobin’s eyes flutter close and she lets out a soft moan, “Chris, unless you are ready for round two I suggest you stop.”

 

“Let me finish this,” She twirls her three quarters empty cider bottle but keeps running her hands through Tobin’s hair, a little surprised by Tobin’s response.

 

“Okay,” She shifts a little on Christen’s leg, rolling more onto her side but her eyes are still closed and Christen wouldn’t be surprised if she actually fell asleep if one of her hands hadn’t slipped under the comforter to rub circles over her bare hip bone.

 

-

 

It becomes a sort of pattern.

 

Christen doesn’t shy away from the parties that Kelley invites her to, knowing that Tobin will be there. She doesn’t stay, they don’t talk about it, it just happens. They’ll make eye contact at some point. They have a secret code so they can get away without their friends noticing and asking questions. A squeeze of the hand to leave the area, to find a corner to make out in. A hand on the lower back when one of them wants to head back to Tobin’s apartment.

 

Their string of text messages has no substance to it, it’s just littered with quick messages that say things like  _ what are you doing tonight?  _ Or  _ my place at 7? _

 

It happens about a week later, then at Halloween after Christen takes a body shot off Tobin after she loses a bet, and again the weekend before Thanksgiving when most of their friends have decided to skip class and head home early for the week.

 

It’s comforting in a strange way, they pick up on each others likes and dislikes quickly.

 

Kelley starts to pick up on it, Christen eventually caved and had told her she slept with Tobin the first time but after the second and third time she tries to keep it a little more on the down low. But after Halloween she can’t hide anymore after Kelley witnessed the body shot in person, and the subsequent make out session in the backyard where Tobin had backed her up against the side of the house around the corner from the keg.

 

She warns Christen, that this can only happen for so long before one of them starts wanting more. Christen just brushes it off though, because she’s having fun, they’re having fun, and neither of them need to push it into anything more than that.

 

Everytime she comes back after disappearing for a couple hours, Kelley has her eyebrows raised and just shakes her head a little.

 

-

 

The Monday before Thanksgiving and two days before she flies home to her parents in LA, Christen feels like she is about to hit her breaking point. She’d had an exam on the previous Friday, one earlier that morning, and a paper she had barely finished by the midnight deadline that morning. She’s exhausted from all her professors piling on work to finish before the break. Kelley’s been gone for a couple days so she hasn’t had anyone nagging her to take breaks to keep herself sane.

 

That’s not what sets her over the edge though. She walks into her final class of the day, Mondays and Wednesdays she has an evening class from four to six. Everyone in the room has their laptops open, are spaced apart from each other, and are flipping through flash cards like their life depends on it.

 

She’s hit with a sinking feeling in her stomach. She pulls open her laptop and the syllabus from the course website. Her planner said there was supposed to be an exam next Monday.

 

The syllabus says otherwise.

 

A panic deeper than she’d ever felt runs through her body. Her two biggest academic fears are sleeping through an early morning exam and forgetting about an exam. One of them is about to happen.

 

She takes a seat near the aisle, she has five minutes before class starts so she takes that time to do some deep breathing exercises from her meditation practices because at this point there’s nothing she can do to prepare.

 

Christen fumbles through the exam, guesses on at least half of the multiple choice questions and bullshits her way through the one page free response exercise.

 

Her mindset is not any better when she exits the building into the dark rain. She opens her backpack to grab her umbrella under the overhang outside the door but comes up empty handed. It’s going to be a long walk home.

 

She’s not sure when, but at some point tears start rolling down her cheeks as she starts to think about her grade. Each of the two exams are worth twenty five percent of her grade and the final worth thirty, she’s not sure if she is going to be able to swing a good enough grade to maintain her GPA.

 

There’s a lot of stairs but she keeps climbing to the third floor, walking down the hallway to her door. She’s got her keys in her hand but reaches up to knock on the door anyway.

 

That’s when she realizes. She looks down the hall to figure out her nearest escape route but the lock is already clicking and the door handle turns. Tobin’s smile is bright, the rush of warm air that hits her when the door opens smells like popcorn.

 

“I’m sorry,” She looks down the hall when Tobin’s smile drops when she sees her, “I don’t know what I’m doing, I’m just gonna go-”

 

“Chris,” Tobin steps out of the door, letting it fall shut behind her, and reaches out to grab Christen’s elbow before she turns around to walk away, “Are you okay? You’re soaking wet.”

 

Tobin’s arms pull her into a hug, one hand keeping a tight grip around her back and the other pulling her head into the crook of her neck. Christen’s own arms tighten around Tobin’s waist and scratch against the wall as Tobin leans back to support their bodies.

 

“It’s okay,” Christen doesn’t realize that she’s crying again until Tobin whispers in her ear and starts rubbing her back gently. She stays like that, her hands fisting into Tobin’s stupidly large sweatshirt. After a few moments she gains control of her emotions but feels even more dumb for showing up at Tobin’s unannounced and in the state she’s in. For a moment she lets herself be glad she did, because Tobin is warm as she leans into her. She smells distinctly like Tobin does, like a combination of off brand men’s deodorant and vanilla shampoo. Slowly, she loosens her grip on Tobin, wiping her face off on her own sleeve before she steps back. Tobin keeps a hand on her sweater, making sure she doesn’t go too far.

 

“I’m so sorry for bothering you, I don’t even know how I ended up here,” She sniffles a little bit as she steps back, “I should go home, change and shower and stuff.”

 

Tobin shakes her head, “No, Chris, you’re not leaving.”

 

“Tobin don’t be ridiculous,” She laughs as she shakes her head.

 

“Come on,” Tobin grabs her hand, tugging a little to get her to follow her, “I was just pretending to watch the Bachelor with my roommates. You can shower here and I’ll get you some clothes.”

 

“Tobin, I-”

 

“You’re not going home like this Christen, you’re freezing and upset. Come in, have a snack, clean up, we’ll talk, and then I’ll drive you home, alright?”

 

“Tobin, I’m not really in the mood-”

 

“I’m not talking about that Christen,” Tobin shakes her head because Christen is the one that’s acting ridiculous, “I’m not taking no for an answer.”

 

Christen sighs, but follows their linked hands through the doorway. Tobin’s roommates glance up when the door opens, Tobin shoots them a glare so that they don’t make any unnecessary comments about keeping the noise down or something while they’re in the apartment, “We’ll be in my room.”

 

As soon as they step in the room, Tobin is digging through her closet for clothes and hands Christen a longsleeve shirt, sweats, and her extra blue towel.

 

“Go shower, then we’ll talk,” Tobin holds the bathroom door open for her and she steps in without a word, twisting the shower handle to the hottest setting.

 

Christen lets the water pour over her body much too long while she contemplates how she got herself into this situation. She doesn’t remember even thinking about anything else than her stupid exam when she left her class a few minutes ago. She washes her hair with too much shampoo, so much that she thinks she might smell like Tobin for a week.

 

When she exits the bathroom, her wet hair tied into a bun on the top of her head with a ponytail she found on Tobin’s bathroom counter, Tobin’s sitting cross legged in the middle of her bed with a bowl of popcorn on her lap. She gives Christen a closed mouth smile, patting the bed next to her for her to sit down.

 

Christen grabs her favorite pillow and folds it in her lap for comfort. They’re sitting side by side with their backs against the wall, close enough that their knees are touching. Tobin holds up the bowl of popcorn for Christen and waits for her to take a handful of the buttery popcorn.

 

Just after that Tobin drops the other half of an opened twix bar on the pillow resting in her lap, “Thanks.”

 

“No problem,” Tobin sits patiently, turning her head to look at Christen to see if she can read any emotion from her face.

 

She waits for her in silence, Christen popping kernels of popcorn in her mouth. Eventually, Tobin reaches a hand to rest on Christen’s knee, “You okay?”

 

“Yeah,” Christen shakes her head, “I was just really stressed about this paper and then I had an exam this morning. Then I showed up to my four o’clock thinking my exam was next week but it was today. It’s dumb, my own mistake.”

 

“It’s not dumb,” Tobin shakes her head, “I’d be pretty upset if I forgot about an exam or a paper or something big like that.”

 

Christen takes a shaky breath, “Well I feel pretty stupid right about now.”

 

“Mistakes happen,” Tobin’s thumb is rubbing comforting circles over her knee, “There’s nothing you can do about it right now so you might as well try to relax a little.”

 

“Yeah,” She drops her right hand on top of Tobin’s left, giving it a squeeze before she releases it again, “I’m sorry for dropping by unannounced.”

 

“Don’t be,” Tobin reaches an arm around her back and pulls herself closer, Christen sighs as she lets her head drop onto Tobin’s, “I know you don’t like unnecessary physical contact but you seem like you could use a hug right now.”

 

“Thanks,” She takes another deep breath as Tobin keeps her left arm wrapped around her back, “I think I could use one too.”

 

Tobin lets a silence drift over them for a few minutes as they sit side by side. When Christen seems a little more relaxed she asks her when she’s going home.

 

“Early Wednesday morning, the flight is only like an hour,” She lifts her head up from Tobin’s shoulder to look her in the eyes but lets Tobin keep her arm around her, “When do you go home?”

 

“Same, early Wednesday.”

 

“Are you excited to see your family?”

 

Christen watches as a wide grin stretches across her face, “You have no idea.”

 

“Me too,” Christen sighs, and even though she’s got sweatpants and a long sleeve on she still feels the chill in her bones from the walk in the rain, “Mind if I pull the comforter out from underneath us? I can’t shake this feeling of being cold.”

 

“No, no problem,” Tobin stands up quickly and Christen shifts so she can pull the comforter back, “Actually do you wanna watch a movie or something? Or do you have work you need to get home to do?”

 

“No, yeah, let’s watch a movie,” Tobin grabs her laptop from her desk and instead of sitting back against the wall again, she pulls back the sheets at the head of the bed, fluffs a pillow behind her and pats the space next to her. Christen hesitates for a moment before tossing her pillow back and leaning against it. Tobin checks with her to make sure she can see it fine balanced on her lap. When she pulls up Netflix Christen sees that she’d been watching Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt and tells her just to continue that from wherever she ended.

 

It’s quiet, they watch through multiple episodes and at some point she drops her head back onto Tobin’s shoulder as she feels the exhaustion from the day start to wear over her.

 

At the end of the episode that they’d been watching when she rested her head on Tobin’s shoulder, Tobin pauses it before the next one starts, “Do you want me to drive you home or do you want to just stay here?”

 

Christen pauses, trying to angle her head to look at Tobin’s face without lifting it from her shoulder, “Are you okay if I stay?”

 

“I’m fine if that’s what you want,” Tobin closes her laptop and balances it on her bedside table in a way that makes Christen nervous.

 

“I have no interest in going back outside in that rain again tonight, even if it is just to run into my building,” As if the sleep catching up to her isn’t evident enough, a yawn catches her off guard and she tries to shield it from Tobin’s face but her reflexes are not quite fast enough.

 

“Here it is,” Tobin confirms with a chuckle, she pulls the sheets back a little bit to get out of the bed, “I’m going to change quick, but I’ll pass out with you.”

 

She watches as Tobin strips off her sweatpants in exchange for a pair of soft cotton pajama shorts before she takes off her sweatshirt, followed by her sports bra, and slides on an equally oversized Stanford t-shirt. For a moment she remembers the only other time she’d spent the night at Tobin’s, the first night they met when Kelley and her were so drunk that they’d fallen asleep in Tobin’s twin bed while she was pulling the futon out for them, and so Tobin had slept on the futon instead. Briefly, she wonders if Tobin will do the same again or if she’s going to slide back into her spot next to her. After brushing her teeth, she pulls the sheets back again and slides in next to Christen. In the meantime she’d shifted enough to wiggle out of the sweatpants Tobin had given her for the night and dropped them on the floor as she’s seen Tobin do multiple times before.

 

Tobin lies flat on her back, with her arms crossed over her chest when she gets back in the bed. Christen shifts so that she’s resting on the left side of her body and reaches her right hand over until she finds one of Tobin’s arms in the dark and grasps onto it.

 

“Thank you Tobin,” She whispers in the dark of the room, like she’s telling a secret.

 

“You’re welcome Chris,” Tobin sighs, turning her head to face Christen. Even in the dark Christen can see the smile she gives her.

 

Christen’s eyes are so heavy that she doesn’t even think to move to let go of Tobin’s arm.

 

And that’s how she wakes up the next morning, one arm draped over Tobin’s body and gripping on one of her forearms. At some point in the night Tobin must have rolled onto her side because Christen is curled around Tobin’s back. She can hear the shower running from the bathroom, and Tobin’s roommate’s bed is empty. Christen sighs as she shifts a little, her muscles tight from what must have been a lengthy sleep if they fell asleep just before ten.

 

Tobin shifts a little next to her, she moves her arm a little and Christen takes that as her cue to release her. When she does though, Tobin grabs onto her wrist and holds her there, shifting a little until her back is flush against Christen’s front.

 

She sighs a little, thinking she is going to be trapped like this for a while until Tobin wakes up until she hears her softly mumble, “What time is it?”

 

Christen chuckles from behind her, “I don’t know, I don’t have my phone back here.”

 

Tobin stirs a little more before she rolls onto her back, a hand still firmly gripping onto Christen’s wrist until she turns her face to look at Christen’s with a lazy smile on her face. She squeezes Christen’s wrist tightly for a second before she lets go, but Christen leaves it resting on her torso.

 

“Right, sorry it usually takes me a second to get with it in the morning,” She chuckles as Christen smiles back at her.

 

She reaches over to grab her phone, yanking it off the charger it was attached to, “It’s 7:17 for the record.”

 

“Hmm,” Christen mumbles with her cheek still pressed into the pillow.

 

Tobin seems like she has other ideas though, she rolls out of bed and stands to stretch her hands over her head, “Coffee?”

 

“Yes please,” Christen forces herself to sit up in bed, “Will you toss me my phone? It should be in my backpack.”

 

Tobin fumbles through the pockets of her bag before she pulls out an iPhone and tosses it in Christen’s direction. It lands softly on the bed and Tobin opens the door to the living spaces.

 

About a minute later another door opens, this time it’s a brunnette with wet ringlets brushing her shoulder. She’s got a bright very white smile and optimistic demeanor for being so early in the morning.

 

“You must be Christen,” She says as she grabs a backpack from her own desk chair, Christen nods in confirmation, “I’m Lauren, or Cheney to Tobin. Nice to meet you, but I’ve got to go I’ve got an eight am and my boyfriend is meeting me with coffee beforehand.”

 

“You too,” Christen smiles softly as she hurries out of the room, she leaves the door open behind her and Christen can hear her chatting with Tobin briefly, some laughter, and then the front door slamming shut a little too loudly.

 

Christen feels a little more awake just holding the steaming mug of coffee between her hands, she thanks Tobin again.

 

“Do you have class this morning?” Tobin asks as she sits back down in bed, pulling the covers back over her lap and blowing gently at the surface of her mug.

 

“No, I only have one class at one today, do you?”

 

Tobin shakes her head, “Noon.”

 

It’s pretty quiet as they sit next to each other drinking their coffee, Tobin sticks her leg out under the sheets so that their thighs are touching.

 

“We can go grab breakfast somewhere, then I can drop you off at your place?” Tobin asks.

 

“That sounds nice, it’s on me though since you let me stay here last night,” Christen bargains with her.

 

“You don’t have to do that,” Tobin starts to argue but the look on Christen’s face tells her otherwise, “But thanks.”

 

“No problem,” Christen pulls her phone back out to scroll through instagram. Tobin makes a soft sound, like she’s about to say something but changes her mind.

 

It’s silent again for a few minutes until Tobin clears her throat, “Hey Chris?”

 

“Yeah?” She glances up from her screen to see that Tobin is twiddling her thumbs in circles, she stops when Christen looks up.

 

“What are you doing the weekend after we get back from Thanksgiving?”

 

Christen bites her bottom lip quick, trying to think if she has anything important. Truthfully, she’d just been planning on getting some studying done for finals and maybe spending some time with Kelley, “I don’t know, why do you ask?”

 

Tobin pauses for a moment again, grabbing her mug and taking a sip of her coffee again, “Well my publishers have this holiday party every year, it kinda rotates between San Francisco and New York every year but it’s in San Francisco this year. They pay for all the authors and editors to go and I’m allowed to bring a date, so I was wondering if you would want to come with me?”

 

“I-” Christen bites her lip and hesitates before she responds, a little confused, “You don’t want to bring Kelley or Lauren or anything?”

 

Tobin pauses for a second, like she’s preparing to be rejected but she lets out a small laugh, “First of all, I wouldn’t bring Kelley anywhere near a place where both my bosses and alcohol will be present.”

 

Christen laughs, she’ll give her that.

 

“And second of all, I could ask Lauren or Amy but I just think this would be fun with you,” She pauses again for a moment, “They would be fun but it’s also kind of like if you separate them from their boyfriends for more than twenty four hours they get a little stir crazy.”

 

Christen pauses for a moment as she thinks it over, “And it’s the whole weekend?”

 

“Well since I’m so close they’re sending a driver Friday evening to pick me up, the party is on Saturday and there’s an optional tour of the printing facilities in the morning, and then we’d leave Sunday whenever we wanted.”

 

Christen takes a moment to scan Tobin’s face, while she thinks it through she feels flattered that this even probably means a lot to Tobin and she’s asking her to come with out of everyone, “Okay.”

 

“Okay?” She straightens up a little, “You want to come?”

 

“Yeah, I do,” She smiles, “What do I need to wear?”

 

“Nothing too fancy, the invitation just said cocktail attire.”

 

Christen reaches her hand over to grab Tobins, the takes it and squeezes it gently, “It’ll be fun.”

 

“Yeah, it will.”

 

-

 

“So like, but what does it  _ mean _ ?” Kelley asks as she steps out in her second dress outfit. She’d presented Kelley with three options for the holiday party and she’s received less than helpful reviews of the two she’d tried on thus far.

 

“What do you think?” She holds her arms out, trying to decide what jewelry she’d wear with the blue dress she’s got on. There’s straps that cross over the front of her chest so she’d be limited to bracelets and rings with this option.

 

“I think it means she wants to be more than fuck buddies, I mean come on Chris what are you two-”

 

Christen interrupts her, folding her hands on her hips in exasperation, “I meant the dress Kelley. And don’t call us fuck buddies, I don’t like the way it sounds.”

 

“I asked my question first,” Kelley states, not even looking up in her direction, “And it’s not fair you look hot in anything. Just pick what you like best.”

 

“I think it might be too much boob for an office party,” Christen frowns as she looks at herself in the mirror, it’s one of her sister’s dresses and she has a slightly smaller chest than Christen so the dress makes Christen feel like she’s spilling out a little bit.

 

“Probably right down Tobin’s alley then,” Christen watches as she shrugs her shoulders as she bends on one elbow, “I think it’s tasteful. Stop avoiding my question though.”

 

“What question?” Christen feigns innocence, because she  _ is  _ avoiding it.

 

“I just feel like you and Tobin have been messing around too long without any rules,” Kelley dutifully unzips the back of the dress when Christen turns around, “Like do you like her? As more than a fuck buddy?”

 

“I think I  _ could  _ like her like that,” Christen shrugs, pulling her last option off the hanger and sliding it up her waist and over her shoulders, “But I’m fine with what we are right now if she is.”

 

“You know, Tobin sucks,” Christen snaps her head around with a frown at Kelley’s statement, “I mean considering she’s going to write about fictional feelings for a living she’s really bad at talking to her friends about her own feelings.”

 

Christen is a little confused about Kelley’s statement, “I think it’s easy to talk to Tobin. Really easy.”

 

Kelley raises her eyebrows like she doesn’t really believe her, “Wow, your guys’ communication skills really have me fooled then.”

 

“Shut up,” Christen throws a pillow at her, “And help me make a decision, I have to be ready to leave in an hour.”

 

“I’d go with the gold top and black pants, it’s festive and your arms look great in it,” Kelley takes one more look over the purple dress she’s got on, “The blue if you don’t want anyone to make eye contact with you all night, Tobin included.”

 

“Okay, black and gold it is,” She picks up the discarded outfit and walks towards her closet to find her platform black heels.

 

“And still, no answer for Kelley,” She states sarcastically to the ceiling.

 

-

 

What should be about an hour long drive ends up taking almost two. They left Christen’s apartment around five and didn’t end up making it to the hotel until almost seven.

 

Christen is very surprised at the spread that is waiting for them when they step in the room. It’s a large room, with a king size bed, and she knows the hotel faces the ocean but she’s not sure if their room does. There’s two stuffed bags sitting wrapped in cellophane with cards sticking out of them. Tobin grabs one and hands it to her, “This is for you.”

 

“For me?” She asks confused, reaching out to grab the handle.

 

“I was told the gift bags would not disappoint,” Tobin tears hers open, pulling out the card and reading it. Christen follows along.

 

She sees a lot of candy and snacks as she digs around, there’s a stuffed animal and two holiday themed books Christen assumes was published by Tobin’s firm. In the bottom of the basket there’s an ugly Christmas sweater with the company logo on it and a normal t-shirt as well. Tucked in the back is a folder that has the same logo emblazoned on it that Tobin’s binder she had a couple weeks ago did, when she opens it up she finds maps of the city, a three day weekend passport for the cable cars, a list of restaurant recommendations, a laminated name tag with a VIP guest ribbon hanging from it, and a schedule of the weekends events.

 

“Wow, I was not all expecting this,” Christen holds up the Christmas sweater as she laughs at the tag that says the stitched string lights actually light up.

 

“I think we need to find an ugly sweater party to go to,” Tobin holds up her own, it’s got the same logo on it as hers but hers has light up snowflakes on it.

 

Christen starts to laugh as Tobin fumbles with the switch when they hear a knock on the door, Tobin looks confused but volunteers to get it.

 

“Ms. Heath?” A man behind the door asks and a second later he’s walking in with an ice bucket with a bottle sticking out of it.

 

“Would you like me to pop the cork now or leave the bottle with you for later?” 

 

Tobin hesitates before she looks at Christen, “Do you want a glass now or should we save it for after we eat?”

 

“We should probably wait,” She nods at the man who has a very friendly smile, “Thank you so much though.”

 

“My pleasure, let us know if there’s anything else we can get for you,” He nods before walking back towards the door, “And enjoy your weekend.”

 

“Thanks,” Tobin follows him halfway through the entrance to make sure the door closes all the way as he exits before she turns back around to face Christen.

 

“Champagne on the house, courtesy of my publishers,” She reads the names on the tag and turns to face Christen again, “Do I need to like send the company a thank you for all this or something?”

 

Christen laughs but shrugs her shoulders, “I don’t know.”

 

Tobin holds her hand out and pulls Christen up from where she had sat on the bed, “Should we go find somewhere to eat though? I’m starving.”

 

“Please,” Christen feels like they barely just got there but her stomach also feels like it’s about to eat itself. Tobin holds out her coat for her to take after she slides her arms back into her leather jacket she’d just hung up.

 

It’s colder than she remembered when she steps outside of the hotel lobby, it’s dark and windy but only a three block walk from the seafood restaurant they’d found on yelp on the car ride over. Tobin stands so close to her that their shoulders are touching, so Christen briefly takes her hand out of the bottom of her pocket to loop her arm through Tobin’s, holding onto the inside of her elbow. Tobin doesn’t even flinch but whispers as she stares straight forward at the crossing light waiting for it to change, “It’s cold.”

 

“I know,” Christen laughs as Tobin gives an over exaggerated shiver for extra effect and gets tugged along when Tobin starts to walk across the street.

 

They get to the restaurant, and despite when they had called earlier to make a reservation and told they wouldn’t need one, the wait is at least forty five minutes and the waiting area is outside. Tobin looks over at her as they step away from the hostess booth and asks, “Room service.”

 

Christen just nods and they turn to head back for the hotel. Her hand that she’d been gripping onto Tobin’s arm with is starting to get red and feel tingly, she holds it out in front of Tobin and says, “Feel my hand.”

 

Tobin pulls her own hand out of her pocket to wrap around Christens, “Jesus Chris, you should have kept that one in your pocket too.”

 

She shrugs a little but instead of Tobin dropping her hand and putting it back in her pocket, she twists her palm a little and tangles her fingers in between Christen’s. Christen gives her a little bit of a bewildered look and Tobin must feel her staring at her because she turns to look at her, “What?”

 

“Nothing,” She smiles and squeezes Tobin’s hand for emphasis, “It’s just, we should do this, it’ll be warmer for both of us.”

 

Christen stretches her fingers out so that their fists are not so balled up, and Tobin follows her lead but keeps their palms pressed together. She slides their hands into the deep pocket of her favorite white and gray coat. Tobin smiles at her and squeezes her hand tightly again once she can wrap her fingers back over Christen’s knuckles.

 

-

 

The next morning Christen wakes up to the tone of Tobin’s alarm buzzing, they’d decided to go on the late morning tour of the printing facilities after Christen assured Tobin five times that she wouldn’t find it boring. The tour bus that would be driving them and a couple dozen other guests over to the facilities wouldn’t be arriving at the hotel until ten thirty but they agreed to get up at eight so they could both shower and have enough time to walk to a bagel shop down the street for breakfast.

 

Christen finds herself waking on her side, like always, but is a little surprised that Tobin’s bare back is still pressed against her chest and her hand still tangled in Tobin’s long brown hair that she’d been playing with as they were talking before they fell asleep.

 

Tobin shifts though, to reach for the other side of the king bed to turn her phone off and Christen cringes as the edge of one of the rings she always wears gets caught in tangle of Tobin’s hair.

 

“Hold on,” She mumbles as Tobin groans as she curls backwards into Christen, she slides the ring off her finger first then unloops the piece that got caught on the edge of it before sliding it back on. Christen runs her hand through the strand that’s now all tangled up before she drops her hand on Tobin’s shoulder and squeezes it gently, “Sorry.”

 

“S’not your fault,” Tobin mumbles, running a hand over her face to brush the loose strands out of the way. Then she mumbles something incoherent and the only thing she can make out is the fraction of a word ‘ffee’ with Christen takes to be something about needing coffee.

 

“There’s supposed to be really great coffee at the bagel place,” Christen whispers in her ear but doesn’t get a response, “I’ll take that as my cue to shower first then, huh?”

 

Tobin nods but doesn’t say say anything, Christen moves to roll away but pinches Tobin’s waist under the sheets, “You better not be asleep when I get out.”

 

“S’okay,” She mumbles back at Christen, so she backs away and pulls the sheets down a little off her shoulders in the hopes that a little cool air will stir her awake a little.

 

Christen is pleasantly surprised to find Tobin laying on her back and scrolling through her phone when she steps out of the bathroom after her shower with a much too small towel wrapped around her body, “Good you’re up.”

 

Christen doesn’t miss the way Tobin’s eyes roam up and down her body, “Good morning.”

 

Christen wants to roll her eyes when she turns her back to Tobin but instead when she turns around to unzip her carry on sized suitcase where it rests on a luggage rack. She pulls out the little bag her mom had gotten her and her sisters for Christmas the last year that says ‘delicates’ on it with a cute pair of floral bra and panties painted on it to pull out the matching black lace set she had packed for later tonight, along with the red sweater and black jeans she was planning on wearing for the morning.

 

She unknots the towel that she had looped around her body, letting it drop to the floor before she bends over to slide the black cheeky cut lace up her legs. Next she latches her strapless bra below her breasts and twists it back around to slide the cups up. It’s not until then that she looks up at the mirror she knows is in front of her, that sits at the height to show no further south than her decolletage, to look back at Tobin. Tobin’s jaw is set and she’s biting at her lower lip. Christen finishes sliding her sweater over her head and wiggles her skinny jeans up her legs as delicately as possible before she turns around. She catches Tobin’s eyes wandering back up from butt level to look at her face.

 

“You might want to wipe the drool off your face before we leave for breakfast,” Christen laughs at her delicately, knowing that the little trick she just played was not necessarily fair.

 

Tobin rolls her eyes and shoves the covers off her naked body, startling Christen a little bit. She’s never seen her get out of bed before without clutching a sheet wrapped around her naked body, “I hope you took your time and used all the hot water because I certainly won’t be needing any!”

 

Christen laughs as she hears Tobin’s words and the shower turn on, she pulls her makeup bag out of her suitcase and waits a few minutes before she re-enters the bathroom to make sure that Tobin has completely gotten into the shower.

 

-

 

Christen is more than glad that she convinced Tobin that she wanted to go on the printing factory tour. They follow around a tour guide in neon yellow vests and watch almost every single step of the process of a book being made.

 

They’re shown four foot diameter paper rolls, covers being printed, demonstrations of why books need to be printed in multiples of eight pages, they watch as the books come out in sets of two and get sliced down the middle, and uneven page edges get trimmed.

 

With each step they’re led through, Christen doesn’t think Tobin’s eyes could get any wider, but it’s not until they are standing at the end of a conveyer belt churning out fresh untouched and completed books with their covers wrapped around them. Christen stands close behind Tobin, resting one hand on her waist and turning to whisper in her ear, “Soon enough that’ll be your book.”

 

Tobin gives her a slightly petrified look before she smiles at her, “There’s a lot of work to get done before then.”

 

“I’m sure there is.”

 

-

 

Christen finishes her last step of applying a layer of nude lipstick to her lips before takes one last look in the mirror and steps out of the bathroom. Her hair is straight, parted relatively deep on the side, and she’d taken a little more time to fuss with her eye makeup than usual. Other than that, she’d pretty much stuck to her normal makeup routine for the evening, plus a little bit of the nude lipstick. She steps out and uses the door handle to balance as she leans down to buckle the ankles of her black heels.

 

When she turns around and leans against the wall to watch Tobin, she’s shoving a few things into a clutch. She’d gotten ready using the mirror in front of the desk, her curling iron left unplugged on the table top along with a few other makeup products that Christen had never seen on her face before, “You ready Tobs?”

 

Tobin’s head turns over her shoulder to look at Christen, she’s got dark mascara framing her eyes, a layer of foundation, and the slightest hint of blush Christen has ever seen in her life. Her hair has a little bit of extra volume to it and has loose curls at the tips.

 

Christen watches as Tobin’s eyes scan over her body, biting her lip in the process.

 

“You look gorgeous Tobin,” Christen states and just when she doesn’t think she can be any more surprised by Tobin’s appearance tonight, she catches the small cutout below the neckline of Tobin’s black sheath dress that gives just the slightest hint of cleavage.

 

Tobin blushes a little, much more than the color on her cheeks provides, “Thanks, you do too. And uh, I’m just double checking to make sure I have my room key then I’ll be ready.”

 

Christen waits and watches as Tobin pulls a card out of the clutch, she concludes it must be the key because she zips it shut and spins on her own pair of black heels to leave. Christen reaches to grab their jackets from the coat closet but Tobin grabs her hand, stopping her for a moment.

 

“Hold on,” She feels Tobin grab onto her waist and pull her in for a hug. Christen wraps her arms around Tobin’s neck and lets out a breath of air she wasn’t aware she was holding.

 

Tobin laughs in her ear before turning her face to press a kiss to Christen’s cheek, “You’re like three inches taller than me in those heels.”

 

Christen realizes for the first time that she’s taller than Tobin than usual, Tobin’s got her own heels on but they aren’t anywhere near the height of Christen’s, “Sorry.”

 

“It’s not a problem, just different,” Tobin mumbles before she stretches up a little bit to press a soft kiss against Christen’s lips.

 

Christen pulls back a little when Tobin tries to linger and deepen the kiss a little, “Sorry, lipstick.”

 

“Right,” Tobin whispers, their faces are close. Christen has done this a lot, and a lot more. She thinks by now they’ve made out more than a dozen times, but she’s never found herself so close to Tobin’s brown eyes in a light environment or had the time to take a pause and slow down to stare each other for a moment. It makes Christens stomach tie in knots.

 

“Sorry,” Tobin is the first to step out of it, loosening her grip from Christen’s waist, “I’ve been wanting to do that since we woke up this morning.”

 

“Me too,” Christen whispers, not sure if she actually voices it out loud or not. The quirk of Tobin’s eyebrow makes her think that she did.

 

“We should probably go,” Tobin spins to grab their coats from the closet, actually pulling them out this time.

 

“Yeah,” Christen accepts her jacket as Tobin hands it over. She moves to open the door, flicking the lights off and waiting for Christen to walk through. Christen pauses when she steps out the door, waiting for Tobin to turn around. She holds her hand out as an invitation for Tobin to grab, and she does, she laces their fingers together like she did the night before.

 

When they arrive to the party Christen feels a bit overwhelmed. She’s suddenly aware that Tobin and her are the youngest people there when she’s handed a glass of champagne upon entry without any question or prompt of an ID that states she’s not 21 for another three weeks.

 

She can tell that she’s not the only anxious one, Tobin’s grip on her hand has tightened each step closer they got to the ballroom the event is at. First it tightened a little when they got in the car, then when they pulled up, and again once they entered after their names were checked off on an invite list.

 

There’s a lot of people though and judging by the overwhelmed look on Tobin’s face she must not recognize any of them. Christen squeezes her hand and motions over towards a long table filled with hor d'oeuvres.

 

“We should go grab something, we don’t have to be in our seats for at least another half hour,” Christen suggests, watching as Tobin nods after her suggestion.

 

There’s an overwhelming selection of finger foods, but a nice balance between between more outrageous foods and comfort foods. Tobin picks up a little mac ‘n cheese ball while Christen chooses a turkey meatball.

 

They kind of just meander about the room for a while, admiring decorations and taking a couple pictures in front of the instagram backdrop, it’s a much larger scale event than Christen would have ever anticipated when Tobin said it was a holiday party. She figures there must be about two hundred people there.

 

It’s not until they’re trying to find table number seventeen that Tobin runs into someone she knows. An older man with a white beard stops his conversation with a group of men when he steps out to greet Tobin with an enthusiastic.

 

“It is so great to see you here Tobin,” She catches him say over her shoulder as she pulls away from him.

 

Tobin motions back in her direction, “Dr. Seltz, this is my date Christen, she’s at Stanford with me. Chris, this is my old professor Dr. Seltz. Our final for his class was the first fifty pages of a novel, if you submitted an edited one hundred first pages you got an automatic A. He asked if I had thought about finishing it but it was already done, he’s the one that sent it off to the publisher that got me a contract.”

 

“It’s so nice to meet you,” She holds out her hand, shaking with a firm grip just like her father taught her when she was younger.

 

“Very nice handshake Christen, you’d make a very fine businesswoman,” He acknowledges before releasing her grip and reaching out to squeeze on hand on Tobin’s shoulder, “I don’t know how many times I have to tell Ms. Tobin over here to call me David. The same applies to you of course.”

 

Christen listens along as Dr. Seltz, or David rather, asks Tobin a lengthy series of questions about how process is coming along and how she feels about submitting her final draft at the end of February. Tobin talks animatedly about her work and for the first time Christen starts to pick up details about the plot of the book, things she’d shied away from answering when Christen would make small talk with her about it. She barely gets any words in the conversation except when David asks her an innocent question about a portion of the book that Tobin had been talking about scrapping completely.

 

She fumbles over her words, she doesn’t even really know what Tobin’s book is about or who the main characters are, much less anything about how much of an effect it would be if Tobin got rid of the last five page of chapter seven. Tobin grabs her hand though when she recognizes the look of panic on her face and interjects for her, “Actually Christen hasn’t read it yet, I wanted to wait until I could give her a copy of the final edit. She doesn’t have much free time, she’s too busy studying her economics.”

 

“Oh of course, I always forget Tobin’s still a student, you’ve both got so much going on,” He shakes his head at himself, “I’m sure it’s hard keeping up to speed with a girlfriend like Tobin, always on the move that one. Literally, I’d always see her running behind my office on my way into work every morning.”

 

“She keeps me on my toes,” Christen doesn’t bother correcting him but glances over at Tobin and sends her a wink that makes her blush a little.

 

They’re interrupted by someone on a speaker, letting everyone know that they have five minute to get to their seats before dinner and some sort of presentation of awards to the year’s bestsellers begins.

 

“If you don’t mind, I best go find my husband to drag him away from the hor d'oeuvres table,” He reaches a hand out to Christen and gives it one more shake, then turns to Tobin to offer her a hug, “Have a wonderful holiday season you two. And Tobin, don’t forget to send me an email when pre-order starts. I want to be the first person to put money down on your book.”

 

Tobin stares him down with a serious expression on her face, “You’ll have to beat my mom then, she’s stiff competition. I’ll see you around Dr. Seltz.”

 

Christen giggles as she grabs onto Tobin’s arm, looping them together to steer her in the direction of their table. When she knows they are out of earshot she whispers quietly in Tobin’s ear, “He’s gay?”

 

Tobin chokes out a laugh, “That’s all you came away from that conversation with? Without him I probably wouldn’t have signed my book for another five years.”

 

Christen shakes her head a little but spots their table and points it out for Tobin. She watches as her smile grows wide as she waves at a cluster of women gathered around the table. Subtly she mumbles under her breath, “Prepare yourself, that’s my team. They can ask questions for days.”

 

She nods and follows as Tobin walks around the table, hugging each person in greeting and introducing Christen along the way. Tobin makes a point of introducing her as her  _ date  _ but the first woman Christen meets exclaims something along the lines of “Tobin you never mentioned your girlfriend to us!” and after that there’s no point of even trying to correct anyone else at the table.

 

-

 

Tobin wakes to the slam of her bedroom door and the scent of piping hot coffee drifting through her room. She smiles lazily at her girlfriend as she walks she walks across her bedroom, dropping both of the Starbucks cups in her hand on Tobin’s bedside table, and sits on the edge of her bed. Instinctively, Christen reaches out her hand to brush Tobin’s bedhead out of her face like she always does when she wakes her up.

 

“What are you doing in bed? We’ve got forty five minutes to get to Barnes and Nobles by the time it opens.”

 

Tobin groans and rolls onto her back, “It’s seven fifteen Chris, why would I be up?”

 

Christen pulls back the covers from Tobin’s body, exposing her long t-shirt and bare legs. Normally she’d be a little bit nicer but today’s a special occasion, “Tobin, it’s release day. And I want to be the first person to buy your book!”

 

“You already have a copy,” Tobin rolls so her back is facing Christen even though she knows that there’s no way she’s getting anymore sleep this morning, “Actually you have  _ two  _ copies, one of which is a special edition.”

 

“Doesn’t matter, I’m going to be the first person to walk into a bookstore and leave with your book,” Christen rests her hand on top of Tobin’s exposed granny panties before she slides her hand up so that it snakes under her shirt to rub her back a little.

 

“I hate to break it to you but my mom called me at 4:53 to tell me she was outside the bookstore waiting for it to open,” Tobin rolls back over so that she’s facing Christen again, “I’m not getting out of bed until I get my good morning kiss.”

 

Christen rolls her eyes but before she bends over at an awkward angle to give her a quick peck she extends a warning, “One kiss only, then you have to brush your teeth.”

 

“Okay,” Tobin tugs at the bottom of her shirt impatiently for her to bend over. Once she does, she complies with Christen’s wishes and pushes herself out of bed.

 

Before she can get too far though, Christen grabs one of her hands and asks her to look at her, “Babe, aren’t you excited? I know we’ve all been hyping it up for weeks now, but please tell me you are at least a little bit excited.”

 

“I am, I am really excited,” Tobin rocks on her feet impatiently, “And also nervous, I need this to sell well.”

 

“I’m sure it will,” Christen squeezes her hand one more time before she lets go, “And if it doesn’t your mom will make sure it will. She wants a picture of you holding it in the bookstore, so go wash up and make sure you brush your hair so she doesn’t get mad at me.”

 

Tobin laughs as she walks into the bathroom, reemerging twenty minutes later with straight hair and a little mascara on her lashes, “Think this will do?”

 

“You look great babe, as always,” Christen confirms from where she’s lounging on Tobin’s bed, “You should wear that orange sweater your mom got you for Christmas, you’re mom will love that. And it’ll match your cover.”

 

Tobin turns around and makes a face at her before she turns back to her closet and deliberately skips over the pale orange sweater in question. Instead she pulls out a clean white tank top that she tucks into black skinny jeans and a black vest she stole from Christen after she left it on her bedroom floor one night. She turns around for approval and Christen gives her a thumbs up, pushing herself off of Tobin’s bed.

 

They get to the bookstore at 8:02 and to Christen’s delight they are the first customers of the day to walk in the store. She glances around to get her bearings before tugging Tobin in the direction of the new releases. Christen can feel Tobin squeeze her hand when they get close enough that they can see the distinct watercolor sunset that stretches from orange to yellow to pink that distinctly marks the cover of Tobin’s book.

 

When they get near the shelf they just stand there, Tobin’s got her hand tightly fisted around Christen’s and neither of them move. Two minutes of silence and them staring at the shelf of untouched books passes by before Tobin speaks up.

 

“You touch it first.”

 

Christen takes a step back, as if it proves that she is certainly not going to be the first one to touch the pristine row of books, “No, they’re your books. You touch it first.”

 

Christen kicks at the heel of Tobin’s sneaker, letting go of her hand as a final barrier. She steps forward and traces a hand down the spine of the book before she picks it up. Tobin’s not sure what it is that feels different about this, she has at least twenty copies of the exact same book, already had the experience of holding all 352 tightly bound pages for the first time. There’s something different about this though and it’s not just the green Barnes and Noble sticker that declares her book the  _ release of the week  _ next to the type font that reads T.P. Heath on the bottom that she doesn’t have on her copies at home.

 

Seeing it on the shelves is different, she doesn’t have any control any more. She doesn’t get to pick and choose who reads it, because anybody can. All her friends, her family, her girlfriend’s family, strangers, anyone can pick it up and read it for the cost of $17.99.

 

Christen follows her and picks up a copy, opening it up to fan through the pages quick, “You know, I’m really proud of you.”

 

Tobin drops the book she picked up back onto the shelf and takes a step back, “Thanks.”

 

“What are you doing? You have to buy that,” Christen picks it back up and hands it to her.

 

“Christen, I’m not buying a copy of my own book,” Tobin hands it back.

 

Christen shakes her head, “Well if you’re not buying it, then I’m buying both of them and leaving this one at your apartment.”

 

“I have like twenty of them already,” She protests but Christen has got a hold of her hand and is dragging her towards the checkout counter. The woman at the counter is tired and slow, a little exasperated by Christen’s high speed pace and energy on a Tuesday morning. Before Tobin has the time to protest, Christen hands over her card, insisting that she’s paying for both copies and before Tobin knows it she’s carrying a clear little plastic bag with her book peaking threw.

 

When they step outside the door, Christen halting Tobin with her hand so that she can stop to get the picture she promised Tobin’s mom, Christen pulls out a sharpie from her purse and hands it to Tobin, “Sign my book.”

 

Tobin gives her the same look she’s been giving everyone the past two weeks, the one that she gives when she wants people to calm down and stop making such a big deal out of it. She accepts them though, opening to the first blank page before she looks up at Christen, debating what she wants to write. She waits for a moment to ponder her options, before she writes in too big of handwriting:

 

_ Chris- _

 

_ If this book makes it to _

_ the NYTimes bestseller _

_ list like you say it will _

_ the next one is dedicated _

_ in your name. Thanks for _

_ making me coffee at 2 am _

_ to make my deadlines. _

_ Love you. _

 

_ -Tobin _

**Author's Note:**

> Idk when pt 3 will be up, probably not as quick as this nor will it be as long as this (again, probably). The sequel is going to be my scapegoat to writing something domestic without committing to it bc clearly I have commitment issues.
> 
> Tumblr: sar7891


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